my eyes hurt. my teeth are throbbing gently in the gums. i feel very heavy. and i'm starving. i can't talk to anyone--i don't deserve to talk to anyone.
you know what dylan thomas said. they used it in 4 weddings and a funeral. i don't feel like that. it's possible i just don't have the capacity. it's possible i'm doing it again--pushing myself, testing out how far i can go before i break. but i've never broken yet. which means i've never gone far enough.
stop all the clocks. i don't feel like that. i mean, i want to know. i want to break.
i broke once. on the street corner next to city hall. it was kind of like something out of lermontov. this is why a hero of our time is one of my favorite books, even though i will probably never read it again.
i broke a little in boswell's.
i broke in controlled swells in the bathroom at the california theatre. i guess that doesn't count.
i'm so sorry. i hope you know how sorry i am. i hope you know how extremely sorry i am.
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i looked for that (Lermontov) in my local library today. they had like a zillion novels by elmore leonard on that shelf, but no classics. that sucked.
that does suck. it sucks a nut.
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